Helping students and parents shift their focus—from external benchmarks of success to resilience and adaptability
It's that time of year again when I am grateful for the opportunity to catch up with past EdBrand students who are back for winter break. This morning, I met a final-year student from UCSD and asked: How does it feel to be graduating in less than six months? I was curious to see how his feelings about this significant milestone compared to when he graduated high school three years ago.
He shared something striking. "High school felt structured and safe. The next step—college—was clear, and I had time to figure things out. But now, with graduation looming, the stakes feel higher than ever. For the first time, there’s no structured path to follow, no cushion to fall back on. It’s exciting but also terrifying."
Despite excellent grades, leadership roles, and coveted internships, he confessed to feeling lost. He’s navigating a job market where competition is fierce. The pressure to meet high expectations—both his own and those of his peers, who seem to be launching into remarkable careers or prestigious graduate schools—is immense.
He described how, during high school the transition to college seemed natural, even comforting, because he knew there was still time to explore and "figure things out." But now, as he approaches the end of college, he feels a stark contrast.
I sympathized and explained that the tendency to tie self-worth to external achievements, a mindset that can distort our understanding of success, can leave one grappling with self-doubt and a feeling of almost paralyzing nervousness. It’s a stage of life where society’s focus shifts from "potential" to "performance," and the narratives of "figuring things out" are replaced by expectations to "have it all together."
This experience has inspired me to think about how I can better guide families through this process. By helping students and parents shift their focus—from external benchmarks of success to internal resilience and adaptability—I hope to empower them to face life’s transitions with more confidence and positivity. After all, the goal isn’t just to get into a great college but to navigate life with purpose and joy, no matter what lies ahead.
